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Kurokamizu; the Eternal child
Started by PumpedAA12
(2016-09-13 05:51:17)
PumpedAA12 (2016-09-13 05:51:17)
1974 A.C. Bandits rushed the village, slaying innocents, burning houses, the child originally terrified, as she watched her father be slain, as a warriors voice echoed in her head, "Always cherish your pride, and bravery will lead you to your destiny, child."-She rose up from her hiding spot, taking her fathers Naginata, Valorie, her older sister, remained terrified, but the child restlessly began to cut down bandits, with terrifying speed, she showed no mercy, the rest of the villagers gained courage from the child and grabbed weapons of their own to aid the fearless kin slay the rest of the bandits, the village cheered as the little left retreated, however, the fearless kin, perished, her dying wish, was this very moment, saving her home, as everyone lived on, she was never forgotten. 2016: (present time) Rumors of this place say that the child still treaded the village today, protecting tourists and killing all who tried to desecrate her home, mercilessly, a few construction builders were ordered to deforest and desecrate the shrine and village for building, yet they never returned, the vehicles never seen, as if they never arrived in the first place, only evidence is the blood soaked soil, surrounding the deserted village... They tried again, this time with army soldiers protecting them, the very same results, within time, the eternal child was able to rest again. 2058: Decades later, something awoken the eternal child yet again, even making her leave her very home, this was the beginning of the end, Kurokamizu, the eternal child.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2016-09-13 05:57:05

"I'll win your heart, mentally or physically."
PumpedAA12 (2016-09-13 05:55:24)
Btw, hateful comments WILL BE DELETED...
"I'll win your heart, mentally or physically."
PumpedAA12 (2016-09-14 03:15:49)
And please let me know in the comments how you feel I did, let me know if it needs corrections but please try and be respectful.
"I'll win your heart, mentally or physically."
Perfect_Chaos (2016-10-01 17:42:49)
I don't know if this is a creepypasta or not, but to be perfectly honest, as either it's not very good.

As a creepypasta: There is absolutely no atmosphere, tension, or build-up, it's all just there. We barely even have a reason to be creeped out by her.

As a story: Slow the down, we were given no time to feel sympathy for the characters who were killed. We don't even know the characters so we have no feelings towards them. There's also no build-up to the overarching plot.

Ebg
 

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