Perfect_Chaos (2015-05-29 23:36:50)

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His name was Jack Avarok, he was a blood slayer. Yes, this means that he can manipulate blood. It's his greatest curse and his greatest gift. He hated this ability at first, but then...

CHAPTER 1: The War Against Your Past

It was morning in Crimson City and Jack decided to go to an outside shop. There were cars around and everyone was lively. He got his food and heard something, "Alright, give me everything ya got." The man said.
"And why should we?" One person said. He then began to demonstrate his powers by taking the wood off the shop and pointed it at his neck. "That's why" He replied smiling. Everyone was frightened and gave him their money, even Jack. People were afraid to do otherwise, even the police, because if it's a slayer, that usually means they work for Misery, he controls the country. The people who work for him are highly skilled and could take down entire cities if pushed far enough.
"Hold up!" A woman yelled.
"I'm gonna stop you." She said. The man laughed
"You? And what type of slayer are you?"
"A fire slayer" She smirked hoping to intimidate him.
"A fire slayer? Well I don't see any fire so how are you gonna beat me?" The man continue laughing.
"Quit laughin! Quick someone make a fire so I can beat him!" She proposed. He hit her with wood.
"Forget it, since this town was so generous, I'll have a mercy rule." He then walked away. People began talking.
"Woah, are you really a slayer?" One boy asked.
"We need one of those around here, you should stay." One woman stated. The woman stood up, holding her bruised head.
"Yeah, well that guy might come back so I guess I have to." She sighed. Everyone was happy, except Jack, that is. He decided to head home. "Well, onto the next place." He thought. He was staying at an inn and decided he'd leave the next day. He was tired so he fell asleep.

During the day, Jack played with his friend, Mark, he was the only other kid in the village Jack lived in, it was a small village, so it was hard to spot for slayers who were looking to rob.. Jack only had his mother to care for him, his dad died before Jack was even born. One day, Mark asked Jack to follow him. So he did. They seemed to be going into a forest. "Where are we going?" Jack asked.
"You'll see in a few minutes." Mark answered. A few minutes had passed. "Here it is" Mark said.
"What?" Jack asked, catching his breath.
"It's how I'm gonna get to the city of course." Mark pointed at the train tracks. "What? But, don't think it's too early? And what about the slayers? They're everywhere." Jack was confused, and wondered if Mark really meant it.
"I know, I'm going there when I'm older, I'll stop Misery and his jerks from destroying our country." Mark looked at Jack, "Hey, maybe you could join my team, we could stop them together!" Mark proclaimed. Jack was still confused, but wrappped his head around it a few seconds later. "So, will you?" Mark asked.
"Alright, I'll join" Jack replied scratching his head.
"We should head back though, it's getting late." Jack continued. Jack heard the bushes move but ignored it. They came back to the village, though, it was night this time. Jack was playing with his friend like always. They were playing catch and they heard a gunshot. It came from his friend's house. "What the?" Jack was surprised.
"I think it came from over there." Mark pointed to a hill at the top. Suddenly they could hear Jack's friend's father screaming in pain. "Are you going to be okay?" The wife asked.
"I believe so, it wasn't fatal, it just hurts like hell." The husband responded. The kids came in.
"Dad!" Mark yelled.
"There's no need to worry son, it's hothing big, I'll be back up in no time." He laughed. And Mark laughed too.
"I was worried for a second Dad." They were somewhat relieved that the father was okay. Jack walked up to him to see where he got shot and accidentally touched the blood. The blood came out of the man's body and into Jack's. At that point the father looked extremely old and fragile. His eyes closed and he stopped breathing.
"He-He's dead!" The mother cried.
"What!? That can't be!" Mark yelled.
"He was fine just a few seconds ago!" He yelled again. He began shaking him and the man's arm fell off. Mark screamed along with the mother. Jack was frozen with fear, sorrow, and confusion.
Mark began crying "What'd you do to him!? You killed him didn't you!?"
"Calm down, it isn't his-" The mother was cut off.
"Get out! You're not my friend, you're a god damn monster!" He cried. These words hit Jack, and he ran for miles, away from his family and friends...his sins. He'd tried to get a new family but ran away, he felt he shouldn't have a father if he took someone else's. He somehow made it through and went to new places, ones without slayers, he'd been afraid he'd be killed for his sins and also didn't want to be reminded of them.

He later woke up in the middle of the night and smelled smoke. "A fire?" He thought. Unfortunately, he was correct. He went down to see the destruction. Almost everything was on fire, he could see corpses on the ground, they looked like they died trying to escape, some were still alive but others were still trying to crawl away. Jack saw the woman who was a fire slayer. "Yeah, they tried to destroy this one too, but I stopped it." She smiled. "But what about the others?" Jack asked. The woman fell. Taking a look at her, Jack could see bruises, cuts, and blood around her body. "But, who would-" He heard a man walk up to him.
"Another one down, now's your turn." He pointed the gun at Jack and he tried covering his face with his hands. So his hands got shot instead. "Damn" The man said reloading. Thoughts went through Jack's head, he realized that the wooden slayer could've been the one behind the attack. He remembered what he said, "Forget it, since this town was so generous, I'll have a mercy rule."
"A mercy rule? Is this what they call a ing mercy rule? Are you kidding me?"
Jack was pissed off enough to finally use his blood slayer powers, the blood from his hand and the blood from those lost souls in the fire was his fuel, the bullet didn't stop but went slower and hit Jack in the chest. "!" Jack yelled.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2015-06-14 10:49:57

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Destroiya (2015-05-30 01:55:18)

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I stopped a organ city.

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Perfect_Chaos (2015-05-30 02:30:05)

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Yeah I was rushin' cuz I had no idea what to name it.

This post has been edited one or more times, the last time was:
2015-05-30 02:31:07

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Destroiya (2015-05-30 02:50:08)

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Take ye time.

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AntiChrist (2015-05-31 00:15:20)

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You should really read through your draft a few times before posting. There was no detail and some of the parts were just weird.

"Well off to the next town, said Jack. Then he went to sleep."

He suddenly fell asleep as he was walking away? Or did he find a place first? Was he staying at an inn?

Also, the flashback has so little detail it was hard to figure out what was really going on. Without atomosphere, characterization and whatnot, it's impossible to make the reader feel any emotion. Especially at the part when we were supposed to feel angry when Jack got mad at the 'bad guy'. Making Jack have an angry reaction alone isn't goin to make the reader feel anything.


DON'T GET ME WRONG

I like the plot, but there's tons of things that can be improved.

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Perfect_Chaos (2015-06-14 10:54:23)

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I'm not finished adding stuff to it, but I adding some things. So ya...here...

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