BrandonCP (2014-12-31 10:10:29)

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There’s that one that you can’t picture out of your reach for more than 5 minutes
And I love her so, and the first few days were great and stress free because
Everything seemed perfect, and nothing else could get better,
Until I realized the fact that she could end up with another
Anxious thoughts tear at me like a vicious squid
Swimming up from hell, then dragging me back down to dwell
And stress has always been a prerequisite of depression for me,
But this goes beyond depression, to a place I’ve never been to because
I love too soon, but that’s okay, yet I find myself wondering if I’ll meet that girl
But I feel like I may already be with her! But….
Suicidal thoughts grow deeper
But I don’t wanna be an attention seeker
And since as long as I can remember, I’ve been trying to keep her
But I wonder if my efforts are unnecessary, or just completely futile!
I’m going insane, I’m not staying in my lane, I try to keep it straight
But I just keep listening to my brain.
I love her because; she’s her!
Any other explanation would just
Seem redundant
You’d think I could just not worry about it, and believe me, I’ve tried it!
If she ends up with someone else, you don’t know what I’d do
Be sent into depression, or take my own life instead?
I’d do none of these, I’d end up being someone that I’d never wanted to be.
The one that cares about no one; not a single entity!
Broke my feelings, broke my heart,
Most people would just head back to the start.
I’ll keep playing
Just a different route
I hate thinking about this, I hate what I’ll become
I hate my hopeless romantic monologue inside
I hate my trust issues, since they’re so selective
I am, what I hate.
That’s always been the problem, hasn’t it?
If I have found someone, shouldn’t I feel like I know it?
Well I do know
But I’m afraid that I’ve been led to know and believe something
That is not there, and never has been, for I’ve been a fool for far too long,
But I love her; and that will never change
And I can feel that I’m meant to always love her
But love’s fickle thorn can be such an inconvenience.
How am I supposed to assure myself that she’ll always feel that way
And how am I supposed to believe that she even feels that way right now?
It’s so confusing, and so consuming
Everything on my mind has to do with her,
And I realize that writing this makes me kind of a loser,
And the fact that no one will read it makes it even sadder
I feel like she’s the only person who may actually care
But I’m kicking myself for the way I think
For the way I love, for the way I trust.
I blame it on a defect in me
One that makes me care for this girl
I want love
But it’s completely evil.
Do you want me to end up like that one person who trusts nobody?
Therefore, not letting people trust him back?
Because in my travels, I’ve only trusted two;
Number one died;
And the 2 is still in play
But I trust her too much to ever not tell her the truth.
I couldn’t if I tried.
She has a hold on my heart that I couldn’t break if I wanted to.
And there have been times where I have wanted to.
But she has full control over it…
I could never get it back.
I can’t imagine myself with anyone else
She is nothing short of perfect in everyway
A dream
Too good to be true
Now I find myself in this hellish wasteland that is my mind
ing everything up, and paraphrasing my words.
Set aside the pain of her ending up with someone else
The thought of never talking to her again
Kills me inside…
Worse than it would be to be dead from the outside.
Tell me why we dream?
We dream because our dreams are better than our actual life.
But that Idealism to Realism moment hits you;
And it’s a cold hard bastard called reality is.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone
But the truth is, that it’s not.
The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.
And I didn’t;
But I might.

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