BrandonCP (2014-12-06 04:36:37)

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As I sit here, thinking to myself, of what could’ve been, I realize the broken glass caused by my own shame and regret. I hadn’t broken it; it’s an inevitable outcome, from the last four years of failing to put the puzzle pieces into coincidence. Despite a lifetime of trying to do everything the right way, and new positive experiences, I feel more and more useless; regardless of what anyone says to me, does to me, or does with me. I am very delicate and fragile these days; my face doesn’t show the tale. Maybe the cuts up and down my arm do; but I’ve gotten good at strategically hiding them for almost a year. Practice and precautionary measures have ensured that no one find out. It’s not an attention thing. I don’t tell anyone, with the exception of my one true friend. Isn’t it sad, that over the course of 14 years, I’ve only been able to find one true friend? The way certain people think about me, makes a detrimental factor in my views on life. The days that someone doesn’t talk to me, is the day I contemplate more self-harm and suicide. It seems petty; it seems nothing short of greedy. But despite my endless knowledge on what is selfish and irrational, I can’t seem to shake it. No one knows my full story; and they never will, until it’s already too late. I’ve always stated that suicide is not the answer. But I know that, whether heaven or hell, it will be a lot less stressful than life on Earth. It’s cruel that we each have these pressures put onto us, day after day. If anyone knows, they’ll surely be mistaken; for if somebody claims that they are suffering from severe depression or anxiety, they conceive it as nothing more than a phase, or an utter lie. The suicide rate is too high; and I don’t want to see that number increase. But, as the generations go up, the depression and anxiety will skyrocket. Parents who have dealt with problems, regarding these disorders, are likely to have children with the same problems. Medications can help; and therapy can improve; but the only true way to overcome the listed, is people by your side through thick and thin. I have never had that; and I’m not the only one. Thousands of people feel like they have not a soul to reach out to, and the fact of the matter is, that those kids probably don’t. Counselors tell parents what the kid has said, despite that they’re supposed to be the ones that are helping them. That’s why no one reaches out. That’s why people are too afraid to express their inner selves, and reveal what they have bubbling underneath. I would say the cliché line about how suicide only helps the temporary problems, even though it’s a permanent solution; but it’s not. Depression disorders are not healed over time. They do not stop, until the person overcomes it somehow, or ends their life. My muse works for me, at least most of the time. But don’t be surprised when you find a rope ‘round my throat; or half a bottle of sleeping pills lying next to me. Because people only hasten by demise.

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Spector (2014-12-06 04:37:58)

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Too Long; Did not Read!

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Cr1tiKaL (2014-12-06 04:43:27)

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^

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carlos11 (2014-12-06 05:11:05)

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RLS is your friend, peasant.

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BirdJesus (2014-12-06 06:16:06)

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Killing yourself is never the solution.

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AntiChrist (2014-12-07 15:14:51)

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Can you guys please not comment unless you've read the whole thing? That's what I did.

Also, OP, one reason you shouldn't kill yourself is bevause you have forever to be dead.

You said that these feelings are keeping you from being rational? Well, god damn kid that's enough reason to go seek out help and do whatever you can! If your ability to think clearly is going away than stop screwing around and go find help! This isn't just something you should procrastinate on.

Look, this is only going to get worse if yiu don't pull the motivation necessary out of you. You have to try.

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